Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
