Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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