anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
