i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
