bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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