i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Randomize
