what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
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you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Enjoy the penises
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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