I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
