Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
