i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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