so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
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