I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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