he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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