Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
