i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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