You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
