I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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