I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
