And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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