If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
