she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Come on in and take your pants off
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