haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
