There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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