smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
