the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
