It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
