just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
