ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
