So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
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I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
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Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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