Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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