Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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