You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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