im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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