Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
