Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
