k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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