You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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