Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
soo... how was my night?
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