take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
