If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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