Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Your penis caused this!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
