sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
