i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
