Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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