I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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