OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
