It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
