im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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