Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
