exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
And then he peed in my hair
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