So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
