You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
