My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
