I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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