when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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