why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
