My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
