We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
