You smell like a Billy Joel song
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
