I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
