and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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