"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.