need another drink. this is the easiest way
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me