Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
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she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
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So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.