the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think my nap took me to another dimension