I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.